Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
