yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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