Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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