I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
