The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
