4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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