omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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