my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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