i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
