so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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