every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
