Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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