I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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