My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
