my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
