yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
