what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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