His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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