I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
