I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
