getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
