Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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