are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
