So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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