I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
