Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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