she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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