is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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