You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
