Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
