the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
