no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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