Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
