It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
