Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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