you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
