Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
