"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
