Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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