she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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