So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
