and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
