also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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