I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
