We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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