You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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