masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
