So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
