whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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