I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
